Can you achieve contentment through humility?

Whether through old age, illness, or other circumstances beyond our control, life tests and teaches us our limits: we learn we're not invincible or infallible, and the longer we walk our path, the more it begins to look like one well-worn by those gone before us.

But, for a man striving to succeed in the modern world, humility is a rare accompaniment, perhaps not even an afterthought, to daily exertions that often require us to 'sell ourselves' in a competitive marketplace.

You won't get that high-paying job by under-selling yourself or letting your resume speak for itself. A modest man won't win the same adulation as a man who flashes his status and flaunts (or fakes) his success.

You won't become like Branson by being bashful, or like Musk by mumbling (well...). If a man of wealth and power is arrogant we may disapprove, but we cannot deny him his excuse. It's normal for those decorated and famous to elevate themselves above the fray and condescend to those they feel beneath them.

There are seemingly few consequences for arrogance, and in a dog-eat-dog world, perhaps it's best to fake it until you make it (even if it rubs a few people the wrong way). Our society often tells us to be brash and bold; to compete and conquer; build ourselves up and be critical of others.

If humility is a virtue and we rate its value in accordance with its utility (as some philosophers have done), it might seem as though it amounts to very little.

Why be humble?

So, you might ask, why be humble? What's in it for me?

Well, humility is actually very useful and something should be a regular practice, even for those who are more successful in life.

While it's good and necessary to build confidence and self-esteem, a man who lacks humility can become intolerant of weakness and unrealistic about his strength, resentful of his equals, and jealous of his betters. He might develop a sense of entitlement, or be constantly 'sizing-up' his perceived competition in an effort to finish first in a race to an arbitrary (or imaginary) finish line.

A man who lacks humility attempts to separate himself from the rest of us, and often does so by being unlikeable and losing touch with what really matters. Pride is often accompanied by a fall, and just as often welcomed by those irritated by arrogance.

Humility can temper our tendency to think we are the hero of the tale and regard the rest as - in some ways, at least - lesser than ourselves. It can help us to understand our strengths and weaknesses, and to see parts of others in ourselves.

Humility is respected and appreciated. A humble man is - rightly - seen as a wise man, a prudent man, a realistic man, and a sensible man; a man who can be trusted, and be trusted to treat others with respect. Such a mindset can be not only a path to contentment, but also be a way to achieve greater success as we earn the regard of others.

It's useful to remember that we see ourselves differently than others see us; we naturally recognise our personal virtues and attributes, but the world does not. The world expects your value and virtues to be proved; to be demonstrated in order for you to be seen as you see yourself.

A man in his prime should want to take on the world and be uncompromising and fearless, but also understand how he fits into a bigger picture in which he is merely an ephemeral image.

The humble man

A humble man makes his best efforts using the means at his disposal (including time, energy, money, and natural ability), and avoids being resentful of his position in life. He knows what he can control and what he can't.

He is ambitious, but at the same time grateful for what he has. He asks for help. He helps others. He learns and adjusts. He commits and works his way up. He accepts that none of us are entitled to success, or to be free from hardship, judgement, disappointment, or embarrassment. He knows that we all make mistakes, are at times vulnerable, and dependent upon others for some things; not least companionship.

A humble man understands that nothing is guaranteed him in life, however smart, gifted, talented, or educated he may be (or feel himself to be). He shows compassion to those who have been set back or failed, and respects those who display resolve and work hard.

He accepts that life is not fair, not easy, and generally unglamorous. He understands that sometimes he needs to do what needs to be done, even if he doesn’t want to do it. He develops a resilient mindset, clear expectations, and learns to approach life optimistically, but realistically.

How do we learn to be humble?

If we're not fortunate enough to have been taught a framework of values and virtues early in life, then we often have to learn through life's many small (though significant) lessons.

The value of competitive sports for younger men, for example, lies in lessons about discipline, hierarchy, teamwork, and self-sacrifice (though when the focus of sports shifts to merely winning - such as when the same sports are played by adults for money - these lessons are often lost and the activity becomes merely entertainment and self-gratification).

Conclusion

Humility is a virtue that has value for both ourselves and society.

With it, you might better appreciate your life experiences for what they are and what you can learn from them, even when they are unpleasant and difficult. You might avoid being envious of that which you don't need, or grasping for status you don't really want (or can't use). You might better focus on what you really want to do in life, and better asses your own strengths instead of trying to keep up with others.

You might reflect that that job, that commute, that apartment or house, those clothes, those friends, that family, your good and bad decisions; over time, all of these things add up to the unique experience of existence that is you, and that you might just be good enough; a new perspective might allow you to ditch the burden of expectation and reduce your stress - to move forward with your version of success.

A humble man might gain a sense of peace and perspective not available to one who believes he can do without it; whatever your journey, you might more readily accept and appreciate it for what it is.