What is Success?

Success, much like happiness, is something that most of us want and spend a significant part of our lives trying to get. Most agree happiness is a fleeting emotion that can’t be sustained, but can the same be said of success? Are we chasing an illusion, grasping for status and security in an uncertain world where we are judged for our feats by friends and foes alike, or is success something real and objective?

Purpose and place

It seems, from a distance, that our purpose was once clearer: survive, provide, have children, build a family, contribute to your community, and earn a sufficient level of respect through your actions and character. But things are less clear in the modern world, and many of the ways that we, as men, find fulfilment and satisfaction seem more difficult to attain, or are even discouraged.

Sometimes trying to become successful can actually lead to unhappiness. If your idea of success isn’t well-defined, narrow, realistic, and achievable, you may end up chasing status, wealth, and other things you don’t need, or even really want.

You could spend a lifetime chasing other people’s goals, trying to live up to other people’s expectations, or trying to conform to ideas that lead you to believe some forms of success are more valuable than others. You might be like a square peg battling to fit into a round hole until you realise that success, for you, is not what you were told.

Who are you?

It takes courage to understand and be honest with yourself about what is important to you (and then plan specific goals around this understanding), because it involves showing yourself to the world. It involves saying, through your actions, ‘this is who I am’, and this can be an uncomfortable experience. It’s an experience that many people postpone or avoid until they are past the point of making significant changes in their lives. You might reveal parts of your personality and character that, after some self-examination, may not be what you expected, and may make you feel, or seem, different to those you know and whose opinions you respect (or fear).

Differentiating yourself from the person you thought you were, or from what others expect of you, can be stressful, but also worthwhile. Can you think of anyone who has backed themselves against the odds (however big or small) and became successful? Perhaps you’re only really being true to yourself when, at least to some extent, you defy the expectations of others (unless, for example, you decided that watching TV in your pyjamas all day is your true calling).

Making it happen

Outside of the practical realities of personal finance, we can identify what outcomes matter to us and how we will go about achieving them. It might seem like we’re confined to make certain decisions, and sometimes we are. Sometimes it seems that we have too many choices. However, much of what stops us achieving our goals is psychological.

What, really, is stopping you from succeeding on your own terms? If you removed excuses, distractions, mental barriers and programming that tells you what you can and can’t do, what is there to stop you? If something really does stand in your way of moving forward, then perhaps it's best to revise your assumptions or goals and move towards that which is possible, not (seemingly) desirable.

What is success?

It’s tempting to say that success is whatever you want it to be. A family with three kids can be success. A good job and a nice house can be success. Serving your community or helping others can be success. Maybe success is a measure of how close you came to achieving your potential (and therefore unique to each of us), or simply the net positive after a lifetime’s accumulation of wins and losses. Perhaps life is simpler than we think, and the vast array of career and life options available are really just red herrings hung out by hustlers and detrimental to helping create a fulfilling and successful life.

I would argue that success is - largely - finding a purpose and working hard to achieve it, proving yourself competent in whatever endeavour or field you choose, not compromising on the things that really matter to you, living virtuously and treating people well, and having minimal regrets later in life.

Most of us are going to derive satisfaction from conventional success (stable relationships, a sense of community and belonging, a reasonable income, and the ability to provide for those we care about), but what's more important is what you think, and that you have thought these things through; the ultimate judge of your success will be you. And, even if you achieve precisely none of your life goals, your life still has value.

It can often be difficult to change your circumstances, but it is always possible to change how you look at them and how you define what success means for you.